return

I've been away from here for about a week now... as a result I don't know what to write, so we're going to tackle this list-style:

The move

• Off to a rough start with Dad's planes being delayed multiple times. We didn't get to my place in Waterville until 2am on moving day.
• Friends came over and loaded the truck in 1hour. Did you catch that? ONE hour. Fantastic people.
• Drove about 7hours on Day 1, 8hours on Day 2.
• Franklin and Ryan came over to help unload on Thursday.

Being home

• Started off with spending time with the family.
• The dog, Jessie, is crazy. In a good way.
• Need to organize something with my friends SOON. This weekend hopefully.
• I got to spend Sunday in DC with Kelley and Meredith and their families. Pictures to come.

 
My days

• Find employment.
• Organizing the house. I've started with my old room. Much is being thrown away, but before I get rid of everything I'm going to chronicle some of it here. Hopefully you'll find it funny. Did you know I won a superlative for "Best Legs" in 9th-grade band? Or that in 2nd-grade I wrote a fully-illustrated book, I Am A Gerbil? Just the tip of the iceberg.

dark night

Last night I learned that just because you have 2electric lanterns - both of which were fully charged 1.5years ago - it does not mean that said lanterns will have any remaining juice when your power dies. Further, while their manual charge functions are indeed useful, you will need to crank them almost continuously to get any sustained luminance.

Must remember to charge more often.

morning misses

LB:  so i drove into work today, and i left at 7 thinking there would be so much traffic and it would take me over an hour... by 7:30 i had purchased coffee and was sitting at my desk with my computer totally powered up. timing fail.

MH: ouch.

--

MH: so i curled my hair this morning and then i laid down for a bit... and now that side is flat. excuse me while i go lay down on the other side.

LB: i love it.

anniversary

About 2years ago (May 15, 2009, I believe) I bought my (used) car. The car has been pretty good to me - only needing regular maintenance and a new set of tires - with the following exceptions:

May 13, 2010 - The car stalls. While I was driving. Literally making forward progress. And then it just stopped. Cold. It started right up again and I took it straight to the shop. They had it for a day and found nothing wrong. It hasn't happened since. Oh... did I mention it's an automatic?

May 12, 2011 - The airbag warning lights on the dash turns - and stays - on. A quick look at the owner's manual reports the following: "Nothing ever goes wrong with airbags. They're fail-proof! You will never, ever, EVER have to worry about that light going on. BUT, in the 1-in-1,000,000 chance that the indicator light does turn on you should see the dealer immediately because you are about to die." (I may or may not have paraphrased Hyundai's language there.)

So it appears that my car likes to commemorate its (approximate) purchase anniversary by doing something highly improbable. Can't wait to see what's on tap for next year.

 

so taxing

With the approach of tax day, I thought it would be apropos to discuss my tax situation this year... I am happy to say, that after 5 (FIVE!) different returns, I am done. And with a slight refund, though I did owe Ohio $3.00. *shakes fist at Ohio* So let's see, there was the (1) federal return, the (2) Maine state return, the (3) Ohio state return, the (4) Ohio school district return, and the (5) Ohio regional return. 

What have I learned from all of this? Well, (1) the federal return wasn't a big deal and that it was worth paying a slight bit to import all of last year's information, (2) Maine's state return was highly obnoxious given that you can e-file but only through a paid-for tax service, (3) doing partial resident state returns sucks big time, so that's something to look forward to next year as well, and (4) Ohio's regional return online system is a convoluted mess that initially said I owed $163.90. After a lengthy phone call, we got that right on down to $0.

This post comes at a time when the nation is debating taxes because (1) well, it's tax season and (2) various government peeps are proposing their budgets, which undoubtedly includes tax information. I'm not going to get too into it, other than to say taxes suck. During my 6years in Ohio, I earned a relatively small amount of money, paid a relatively low amount of taxes, and got a pretty substantial refund (compared to my salary). Now I make 3times as much but pay almost a third of that to taxes. And the refund? A good number to look at, higher than what I got in Ohio, but not at all proportional to past years. Now, I'm sure we all experience this: the pain and dismay of seeing how low your take-home is compared to what you actually "earned." I don't like it. That being said, I understand it, and I support it. Taxes suck, but we need them, and if I need to pay a little more so that a family of 4 on $20,000/year with 4jobs between 2working adults can get (1) food stamps or (2) health care or (3) whatever. So be it.

Wow, so that last paragraph was longer than I meant it to be. This post was meant to be positive! So let's get to that. Anyway, I did the math and it looks like my refunds are going to cover most of my Europe-related travel. Between (1) adding up federal, Maine, and Ohio school, (2) subtracting the federal and Maine filing fees, and (3) subtracting my Ohio payment I appear to have just enough to pay for my (1) bus to and from Boston airport, (2) flight to and from Europe, (3) train from Edinburgh to London, and (4) train from London to Amsterdam. And there was a slight bit left over! It looked like it would be enough to buy a 7-day travelcard for the tube in London. Holler. However, after doing the conversion, I realized my refund would be about $3.00 short.

Damn you, Ohio.

 

crash

Not to be melodramatic, but I need your prayers...

My flash drive has stopped working. The drive that holds my life - both professional and personal. And no, I'm the fool that hasn't backed it up.

Anyway, please hope for the best so that I can avoid playing a dirge in its honor. I'm taking it to ITS tomorrow.

Sigh.

Also: A huge apology to L., with whom I so rudely cut a conversation short once I realized my data was potentially lost.

Speaking of compromised data - Has anyone else been getting multiple emails from various commercial sources (e.g., banks, online stores, etc.) stating that there had been some kind of unauthorized entry into their email service provider's system and some hacker out there now has my name and email address? But that I shouldn't worry because nothing else was touched?

I've gotten at least 5 such emails. So either there was some synchronized attack on all email service providers, or, really, a lot of companies just use the same one.

Bad weekend for data. Ugh.

Update: IT guy got it to work. Immediately. By doing nothing. I handed it to him, he plugged it into his computer and wah-lah. Instant success. Then he came over to my office computer and it worked. Me? I tried it yesterday on 2different computers, in all possible USB ports, and restarted/unplugged/cursed all machinery. Tried again this morning to no avail. Whatever, I'm glad it's working, but it's still unsettling without any definitive cause. And yes, I'm backing it up now.

perceptual terror

Sometimes, at night, I kind of half wake up and see things. One thing in particular: Spiders.

I'll open my eyes and see a spider scurrying across my pillow. A rather large spider. Daddy longlegs-esque. [Side note: The name "daddy longlegs" actually refers to a species of fly and 2species of spiders. Who knew?] Anyway, I see a spider with long legs near my face. While (previously) sleeping. Now, I've heard enough urban legends stating that we eat 4-8spiders in our lifetime during sleep, to make this scenario uncomfortable. Plus there's just common sense to tell us that we should avoid spiders. Add to that a confused-state of near-sleep and you have a recipe for panic.

Usually what happens in these scenarios is I freak the F out once my brain registers the fact that a spider and all of his (or her) little spider friends will soon be crawling all over my bed to eat me. I jump out of bed, run and turn on a light in the hopes of somehow confirming the spider's existence (not sure if that would be a good or bad thing) and then killing it. This arachnidcide would allow me to sleep comfortably knowing that I have done away with the ring leader and have sent a very powerful message to the remaining spiders out there.

However, usually by the time I turn the lights on the spider is gone. In order to determine that there was actually a spider, I start searching for the sucker. In pillowcases, under sheets, behind the bed, on the floor. But I've never found the guy.

Logically I know that after this many trials in which I see a spider but then can never find a spider, that there most likely was never a spider to begin with. That it's really some kind of perceptual trick that's probably a result of a tired brain, eyes adjusting to the dark, and an innate fear of insects that have too many legs. This knowledge has ultimately led me to calm down and not freak out as much. Perhaps I'll turn on a light to check it out, but there's no longer the extensive search. And on nights where I'm feeling especially brave (or exhausted), I'll just roll over and go back to sleep.

That is... until last night. Last night when it all came true. When I opened my eyes and saw a spider (to be fair: not the "typical" daddy longleg spider I usually see). A devilish little bastard who was put on this Earth to engage in an epic battle to the death... with me. I won. 

But not after a near-heart attack that this. really. happens. 

All of those times that I convinced myself the spider wasn't real? That I went back to sleep in the same bed? There really could have been a spider? Not cool.

And I know I'm not alone here. I've had a few conversations with Heather about the terror that are nighttime spiders. 

Damn eight-legged freaks.

p through b

Sometime last October I realized that I probably hadn't listened to even half of the music on my iPod. You see, I have a lot of music: Oxford's public library allowed you to check out cds, so I was able to obtain a lot of free music... and without monetary limits on my choices, I picked up a lot of music just "because." 

Because I like that one single I might like the whole album. Because I like that one album I might like their discography. Because of peer pressure (i.e., that artist/album is on the charts/won an award/is liked by my friend and I've never heard of them).

Whatever the reasons, I ended up with a lot of music, most of which I just downloaded and then ignored. So last October I decided I would change that and would listen to every single song in my cache. In order. I started with Panic at the Disco (why not?) and have been moving my way through the alphabet.

I probably listen 1-2hours every day, a little more on the weekends. Every little bit helps reach the goal.

I was originally saving this post until I had reached the end goal, but this week I created a mini-goal: to make it through the Bs without ending up in an asylum.

Back back back in the day I really liked the Backstreet Boys. My penchant for them faded as I approached college, but those original albums will always hold a fond spot in my heart. However, due to the no-limit-style of music piracy offered by the library I decided there could be no harm in getting each of their newer albums. I have now learned that there can be harm. It is all just SO BAD.

This was only made worse by the fact that Britney Spears came up in the queue shortly thereafter. I was never a dedicated Britney fan, but there are some songs I like so I gathered up her entire collection in a true example of American greed. Did you know she has a (horrible) song called Soda Pop? Some of this cannot seriously be called music.

Taken together in such a short period of time was almost too much to handle. You may ask why didn't I just stop listening? Or skip them? Or, hell, DELETE the offenders? And to that I answer: My quest was to listen to every.single.song and I am going to do that. Come hell or high water. [Figuratively, of course. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't battle the spawn of hell just to keep this little mission going.] So everyday that I am home, I am going to listen to my music. Once I'm done I'll go back through and purge.

But the point is I survived the week, and am so glad to be through the Bs that I had to share with the world (or you know, the people that check this site). Though a quick look at what's coming up in the Cs shows that Christina Aguilera is quickly approaching... Wish me luck.

[I'm sure some will ask, so here are the stats: 19.55gigs = 4800songs = 12.7days. And I've been doing this since October and am only through the Bs... 13letters to go!]

ode to owed

the time has come, the government said,

to pay us our money due.

for four years you glided by

without any interest accrue.

but now it is owed, if you're ready or not,

the principal on your loan.

oh! and don't forget those finance charges,

the ones to surely make you moan.

you have graduated and found a job,

one that pays you relatively well.

we gave you time to acquire the funds -

six months is quite the spell.

so on the fourteenth we expect your check,

in whatever amount you see fit.

but know the more you pay upfront

the faster you will be done with it.

yoga

Back in January I decided I was going to try yoga. I had never done it before, but plenty of my friends have - for years - and if they can do it (and do it in 49583degree rooms) then I can do a beginner class.

I dropped into a local yoga studio one afternoon and took their introductory class. And I liked it. I was especially impressed with how much it worked my abs. Boy did I feel that the next day. But in a good way.

Coincidentally, a few days later I received an adult education mailer and the yoga studio was offering a 6week beginners course, at about half the cost of their normal classes. Perfect! I emailed a few friends to see if they were interested, and as a result of that one has joined the class with me and I have gone with another to yoga at school a couple of times (it's free there, but the atmosphere is a bit disruptive).

The adult ed. class was delayed in starting due to snow, but we've now had 2sessions. It's, well... not my favorite. I think that's due to the instructor. She talks way too much. Obnoxiously so. And, as a beginner I would really like her to come around and help me make sure that my poses are correct (things I was getting in the smaller classes - both at this studio and school). But you get what you pay for I suppose. It's not all bad, and I'm hoping that after the final 3sessions (I have to miss one because I'm going to Boston!) I'll at least be more comfortable with some of the basics. Plus did I mention it's relatively inexpensive? 

This is all coming at an opportune time. Rather, I suppose I hurt myself at an opportune time. If one could ever consider hurting yourself opportune. Anyway. About 2weeks ago I pulled (what I'm assuming is) my groin. Awkward, right? I was walking (literally, just walking) from the dining room to the kitchen and I turned too quickly, or something. I don't know exactly. I just know it hurt. But I figured like with other "twinges" resting it that night would be all it took to heal. LIES. Every. little. step. I took hurt. Forget getting dressed, stepping into the shower, or getting in and out of the car. Of course I could still do these things, but it hurt. Audible gasping kinds of hurt. And the rest of the time it was just a dull pain. I decided to give myself a week before seeking any actual intervention. 

This all happened a few days before the first adult ed. yoga class. I decided this would be great and that stretching the muscle would help. (Would it actually? Is that what one should do? I have no idea, but I did it anyway.) I figured the whole thing would be excruciating but that I would push through it. And yeah, it was bad at times, but it didn't prohibit me from doing anything. That night, though? After yoga? The worst yet. Even laying down hurt and I got very little sleep. Le suck.

However, the next day it wasn't until lunch that I even remembered about the injury. It was getting better. I could tell that it wasn't perfect, and over the next few days it still left like one leg was shorter than the other when walking, but the pain was restricted to only when I made extreme movements. Go yoga!

Things got progressively worse as the week went on (never as bad as pre-yoga), but then I went to yoga again last night. And, as with the week before, sleep last night sucked. But today? Better. So the lesson: Keep stretching. I don't know nearly enough to do yoga on my own, but I hear you can watch yoga DVDs on Netflix, so I think I'll try that this weekend. I've decided (I am a DR after all) (are you laughing at me?) (you should be) that a week or so more of this and I'll be good to go. (If not I guess I'll go get it checked out.) (Shut up, I'll go.)

Oh, but back to the point... I've started doing yoga!

it's electric

Rather, I'm electric.

Ever since my 2011 return to Maine things have been statically charged. Literally. Every cloth-based item in my apartment radiates electricity. Fleece is by far the worst culprit, which is a shame because my favorite blanket - the one I always curl up with on the couch - is a luxuriously soft fleece. Now, I'm not giving my blanket up, but it wouldn't matter either way as everything is practically vibrating with voltage. There are some items that you can just feel. Come near them - within 6inches or so - and you can feel the static resistance, drawing you in yet pushing you away at the same time. The hair on your arms standing to attention without even touching the offending fabric. Nonetheless, I've learned to live with that aspect of it (even the inevitable havoc it wreaks on my hair).

However, the resulting shocks I constantly receive are barely tolerated. Yet, I can find no way to avoid them. Given that I am a walking ball of energized matter, every time I touch something with actual electricity running through it (e.g., light switches, the fridge) or anything metal, I get shocked. There are often loud, visible sparks as well. Not only is this mildly painful, but I have the comical (not-so-serious) fear that these sparkling encounters will a) blow a fuse or b) over time, my body will react as if it is being constantly tased.

My solution thus far has been to  put 3904327 dryer sheets in with every load of laundry, hoping that will help... but no. I know I could also get a humidifier, but, well, I'm kind of lazy. I should just make my own by bringing in a couple shovelfuls of snow and throwing them over the baseboard heaters. 

That should do the trick.

shopping list

Things I was supposed to buy today:

• Dress to wear to a wedding
• Brown, leather boots

Things I actually bought today:

• Cards
• Wrapping paper
• Baby gift
• Knock-off Clarisonic facial brush
• Eye cream
• Shampoo
• Underwear
• Camisole
• Silicone cake pan

Obviously I got a bit distracted while shopping. To be fair, everything I bought I needed or have wanted... I just didn't necessarily need them now. As for the dress and boots? I went to every store near me (within 25miles) that would offer such things. No luck. Fiddlesticks.

stuck

It's Friday afternoon. Campus, the building, the department, hell, the hall are all pretty much dead. Around one o'clock, I'd done my allotted amount of the work for the day and figured I would go home.

As I was walking to the parking lot I saw a car awkwardly parked in the driving lane. Is that the correct term? You know, the area where you pull in and out of spots. Anyway, it was at an angle that basically had it taking up the whole lane, quite successfully. From a distance it looked to be in the area where I parked my car.

Guess what? It was. Directly in front of my car. With no driver in sight.

I hustled (it's cold out!) back into the building and into the security office. I just barely started to explain the situation when SecurityMan interrupted with an explanation:

The driver's key broke off... while still in the ignition.

A tow truck was on its way and SecurityMan agreed to call me once the car was gone. [He actually just called a few minutes ago, saying that the truck was here, but the car has yet to be removed. I'll give them a few more minutes.] Now, this isn't that big of a deal for me. I'm not rushing off anywhere, just wanted to start my weekend a little early. And no one could argue that this is  most unfortunate for the car's owner, but my question is: 

HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?

It's clear that the car started and that she was able to partially back it out of the spot. But that's all I understand of the situation. Here are the possibilities floating around in my head:

• She started the car as normal, and only after starting to back out the key broke, thus stalling the car.

Is that even possible? Some force is needed to break the key, it couldn't do it on its own, right? Could a broken key stall a car?

• The key broke off as she turned the ignition, but the car started. After figuring she could drive to a garage she started to back out, but then the car died.

This I feel is more plausible, but again, we're back to if a car could run with a broken key in it? Can you simultaneously break a key AND start a car? 

• She drives a manual and while backing out the spot the car stalled. When she tried to restart the car, that's when the key broke off.

Probably the most likely scenario, but I still have my concerns. I know very little about manual transmissions, but is it possible to stall while backing up??

• And the final possibility: A gremlin popped out from behind the back seat and smashed the key with a sledgehammer.

If you have any sort of auto-knowledge, I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Or perhaps more interestingly, if anyone has a bizarre explanation, comment that as well.

I'm off to check if my car is free. Wish me luck!

Update: All was clear.

getting into the spirit

What indicates that the holidays have arrived?

Obviously, the calendar clearly tells us when the holidays are here, but what makes you actually feel it? Gorging yourself on Thanksgiving deliciousness? Black Friday shopping? The appearance of twinkling lights throughout the neighborhood? Christmas music pouring out of all speakers? Finding just the right gift and wrapping it up?

All of these things cognitively tell me that Christmas is coming... and for the most part I enjoy them (don't get me started on the horror that is Black Friday). But the one thing that makes me feel all Christmas-y inside? Like the world is good, peace on earth, good will to men, and all that jazz? It can only be listening to Mannheim Steamroller.

I completely attribute this to my mother. After a lifetime of listening to their collected works Christmas morning while opening presents and then waiting anxiously for dad's eggs benedict (yum!) with mimosas (also: yum!), their music has now become synonymous with Christmas.

And yesterday, when their music started to play on my iPod, that was it. I felt Christmas. Didn't matter that I had already purchased, wrapped and shipped all of my presents. That I had already been looking for plane tickets home. Or that I had already set out my Christmas decorations. It didn't feel like Christmas until I heard the music. 

Classical conditioning at its finest.

So what about you... what indicates that it's the holidays?

money makes the world go 'round...

... and makes me want to pull my hair out. 

Nothing ever seems to be simple. Let me recount the various ways in which it has recently been far more time consuming that it needs to be:

The case of the visiting... who?

The contract I signed with Colby stated that my rank, and subsequent salary, would be dependent upon successfully completing my dissertation (i.e., graduating). If I did so, I would be a Visiting Assistant Professor. If not, I would be a Visiting Instructor and my salary would be $1000 less. [Side note: Is that all 6years of my life is worth!? $1000?] Now, I technically only graduated 10days or so before my contract started and I never actually provided Colby with proof that I graduated, but I was listed various places as a VAP, so I was just going to wait and see if they were paying me appropriately.

September paycheck: $83.33 missing from my check

Not a huge deal, I call and see what I need to do to be listed correctly. I was actually flying back to Oxford the next day, so it would be easy to get the documentation I needed (specifically, a letter of completion). I brought the letter back and sent it off to the right office via campus mail. Of course, I initially forgot about it, and didn't send it until at least mid-October.

October paycheck: $83.33 missing from my check

Okay. Maybe I sent the letter too late and there wasn't enough time to process everything. I'll wait.

November paycheck: $83.33 missing from my check

Ah! Give me my money! I called and explained the situation... after a few minutes of searching, "Here's your letter! I haven't even opened it." Seriously? Well get on that. I'm assured that future checks will both a) reflect the appropriate payscale and b) make up the lost pay. Here's hoping!

The case of the... wait, where did it go?

A couple of weeks ago I went on a job interview. As a result I had to fly from Maine to Arkansas. As one can imagine these are not easy endpoints to connect, also meaning that this was going to be an expensive trip. No big deal, the hiring school would pay, I just had to submit my receipts beforehand and a check would be there waiting. A $613.30check.

The check was. not. there. I was assured that it was put in the mail and it would be waiting for me back in Maine.

Guess what still hasn't shown up? 

After much emailing, and searching on their part it has finally shown up... sitting at the cashier's desk the entire time. It will supposedly be put in the mail tomorrow. Here's hoping!

The case of the... crap this is a long post and I can't think of an interesting title.

I have supplemental vision insurance through work. It's actually pretty good. Eye exams are only $10, I get a frame allowance of up to $140 plus 20% any overage, and the cost of basic lenses is already included.

I've needed a new prescription for at least a year now, but was waiting for insurance. This morning I go in for my exam, after which I'm picking out a frames. They run my insurance and I'm told that my exam copay is $25 and that I get 20% of lenses. 

What?! That is drastically different from what I know I'm covered for. They're quoting me the basic vision insurance. But I have supplemental! This I know! I've seen them take the $7.98 out of my check each month!

Ultimately, this confusion results in me leaving sans glasses until we could figure it all out. [Side note: The eye people were really nice though - I didn't even have to pay the copay until we know the accurate price.] Really, this meant I spent the morning talking with HR and the eye place.

The solution was actually putting me in the system. Really!? I've been paying for this crap for the past 3months and I wasn't even covered? [A similar thing happened with my actual health coverage. Gah.]

Apparently I can now go back and everything will be good to go. Here's hoping!